


Progress

by delatrose



Category: Universal Century Gundam
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Mentioned Garma/Icelina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-14 01:22:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20592329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delatrose/pseuds/delatrose
Summary: Garma has a revelation after the banquet at New York City.





	Progress

**Author's Note:**

> OK SO i wrote this last night and i really liked it but i dont have much clue what goes after it but i do still love it so i wanted to post it ;-;
> 
> there are like... hints of charma? i didnt tag it bc there's nothing that definitive it's just like. they are repressed and in love but w/e. i also talk about garma/icelina but i think you'll also find i'm not exactly... pro that ship tho you can maybe read it as being such?
> 
> as for the au it's essentially just they dont go fight in the middle of the banquet but rather after it's ended.
> 
> anyway, i know it sounds confusing but interpret it however you fancy, i promise it's not actually as confusing as i've made it sound here.

“Char, I’ve been thinking…” The party is over and they’re back in Char’s room, the only light coming from the kitchenette and drenching them in shadow as they sit beside each other in different chairs, taking turns sipping from a bottle of wine as they sit across from each other and waiting for the inevitable call to battle.

“Hm?” Char responds as he hands the bottle back to Garma.

“Every since we fought that big white mobile suit, I’ve had this fear rolling through me and meeting with Icelina tonight had made it even clearer…” Garma pauses to take another sip of wine before handing the bottle to Char. “What if we lose?”

“Zeon?” Garma nods, taking the bottle back.

“It’s not as if I wouldn’t die for the cause but what will happen to the people I leave behind? Icelina would be punished harshly for defending me, which I’m sure she would til the very end, and I don’t want something like that to happen to her,” he explains and takes a long gulp.

“You really love her, don’t you?” Garma almost says yes, of course, but he holds himself back. Does he? He’s never really experienced love before and the wine is starting to cloud his mind at this point, maybe that’s why he’s questioning himself but he wonders if it’s all just fear. He’s afraid. There’s no doubt about that. But what if his feelings for Icelina are just fear? Fear of his own impending death, of the battles he’s still not certain in, of dying without having loved at all. There’s so many things it could be other than love. He’s never fallen in love with someone in his life and within the span of a month he thinks he’s in love with someone he barely even knows. Is that what love is? Is it really? He wants to love her, he truly does, wants to keep his promise to her but everything is suddenly so unsure in his mind.

“It’s not that…. I mean, I do love her, but that’s not why I’m thinking about this. It’s more because the idea of someone going through so much pain because of me, it doesn’t sit right with me. Especially someone I care about.” Char laughs at him and he pouts lightly back.

“Garma, you are truly so naive. Do you have any idea how many lives this war has ruined? How much pain you’ve already caused. Those people you’ve killed, the people you’ve brought so much pain to, they also have people who care about them. And then they have people who care about them and so on and so on. You can’t go around acting all innocent as if you haven’t destroyed billions of lives already.” Char must be feeling the alcohol as well, he isn’t usually so forward in his criticisms. Garma takes one more sip of the wine and the last few drops fall into his mouth. He shakes it and sighs as he sets it on the ground. It’s probably best they don’t get another.

“And how are you any better? Speaking as if you have some higher moral ground? You’ve contributed to this war as much as I have, if not more. You can’t just disparage me like this when you haven’t done anything to prove yourself against those same accusations.”

“But that’s the difference, I can admit I’m not any better. I know I’m not. I recognize I’ve done evil things and will continue to do them so long as I have my goal in my heart. But you, you just keep on acting like you’re this perfect, innocent angel who can do no wrong. The darling of the people, so kind and wonderful, when in reality your hands are just as dirty as the rest of us, even more so for being a Zabi.”

“Wh— I didn’t ask—”

“You didn’t ask to be looked up to? Didn’t ask to be a Zabi? Well, I’m sorry you’re so burdened by the power you hold over others.” Garma just stares at Char in disbelief, they’ve gotten drunk together before but Char’s never seemed this upset. He feels somehow ashamed of himself, sufficiently punished by the harsh words but, knowing Char, he won’t be happy if he just sits there feeling sorry for himself.

“This is the opposite of what I wanted to talk about,” he says quietly.

“Then what is it? Want to go back to your pretty girlfriend?” Char spits. Garma frowns at him but looks away, still feeling shame and guilt course through his body as he finds himself unable to read Char.

“I think we are destined to lose,” he says finally. He can feel Char stare at him in surprise. “After fighting the Federation mobile suit and seeing just how well those… those children. Our intel says they’re children, right?”

“It does.”

“That we got beat so well by child soldiers and that their equipment is so much stronger than ours. I mean, there’s no way we can win, is there? They’ll only get better, they have so many more resources to create bigger and better weapons despite their dwindling population of soldiers and this isn’t like our little rebellion, mostly because we aren’t in control. I’ve been so lost in my quest to prove myself, I haven’t been thinking realistically. What you say is right, I’m naive and foolish and I act as if I’m above everything while saying I want to be treated like everyone else. But I’m tired of it, I’m tired of this war and I’m tired of following in my family’s footsteps, doing everything they want me to as if they aren’t the ones leading us to our utter destruction. We’re all so blind, only focusing on ourselves and our own needs that we can’t see the bigger picture.”

“And?” Char asks, leaning heavily over the side of his chair towards Garma.

“And I don’t think they should be in charge,” he finishes. There’s more he wants to say, but it’s so blasphemous that he doesn’t know if he really should say it. He’ll have to assess how Char feels about what he’s said so far. But then something incredible happens and Char laughs again, the sound a sweet melody to his ears as he stares at Char in awe. The ridges of his smile are only vaguely visible from the light in the kitchenette and somehow his eyes gleam with mirth despite the darkness. But it’s not a derisive laugh, it’s not like any he’s heard before, and now that he’s heard this one he knows the difference. Instead, it’s a laugh of relief, a bubbling of joy that seems almost infectious as Garma smiles dopily back at him.

“Is that the alcohol talking?” Char finally says, his tone light and teasing. Garma shakes his head with a smile.

“I’ve been thinking about this since before we started drinking, it just took the alcohol to get it out,” he answers.

“Liquid courage, huh?” Char asks with a small smirk. Garma looks away in embarrassment, he’s really been read like a book. “So you want to take your family out of power and, what, are you going to replace them?”

“I… I haven’t gotten to the specifics of that part yet but I think I’d like to end the war before we decide anything like that. See what we can build from the wreckage and all, anything could happen.” He pauses and begins twirling his hair, suddenly nervous about the next part of his plan. “But what I’d like for now is your help.”

“My help?” Garma nods firmly, still looking away and twirling his hair. Then there’s a hand on his, reaching across his face to stop the nervous tick and he turns to Char with wide eyes. His face heats as Char gently takes the strand of hair and tucks it behind his ear with a small smirk, barely noticeable in the darkness around them.

“I…” Somehow that only makes him more nervous. “I want to get Icelina away from here, first of all. If I do something poorly and it all falls apart, she’ll be hurt as well and I can’t stand the thought—”

“Side Six,” Char says roughly and Garma notices that he’s moved away again during his rambling.

“Side Six?”

“I can get her a place on Side Six, not with the Flanagan Institute, for obvious reasons, but in association with it. Since it’s neutral, and will likely stay that way even after the war ends, it’s the safest place for her,” Char explains. Garma sighs in relief, it sounds solid. The hard part will just be getting her away from her father.

“Thank you, Char, you are my dearest friend,” he says softly, standing up and grabbing the empty wine bottle by the neck. He walks over to the kitchenette and squints up into the light, his eyes adjusting as he prepares himself to voice his most damning thought of the night. He sighs heavily and, with his back turned, asks for one more favor. “And second, I need you to kill my family.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it! see, not too confusing. if you did enjoy it, i hope you leave a kudos or comment to tell me how! and if you'd like to contact me elsewhere, my tumblr is @mechaking and twitter is @delatrose. ty ~💖


End file.
